You are not alone. I was sexually abused as a young child for several years so maybe our abuse will cause different issues for us.
However imo it is important to tell him this was not okay and to tell his wife or at least tell/ask the younger sister about it. It's good to acknowledge what happened and start the journey to wellness. But when you are ready it is our responsibility to out the person who did it. Personally I don't think you should dwell on the outcome for him if you "out" him but concentrate on your own healing which I believe includes that unpleasant task. I would not attempt telling your mom or him though until you have a therapist.
They could help you...perhaps a letter to your mom first. And one to the younger sister. IDK I'm not a therapist LOL But HE is responsible for it not you. The parent is the parent no matter what. He had no right to use you for his own comfort in a sexual way no matter if you were 3 or 13. Sexual abuse can occur at any age and taking advantage of a young girl and confusing love with sex for his own messed up reasons should in no way make him immune to the consequences. After all, you are going to have to cope with what happened for the rest of your life. I think it's good your intent is healing yourself and not revenge. Healing yourself means putting yourself first though and then maybe protecting the other girl by outing him as soon as you are ready (sooner the better...no guilt trip intended)

I'm glad you feel that way! Call your local domestic violence shelter. They can give you some referrals for therapy that is free or sliding scale. It's SOOOOO important bc you can get well-intentioned but bad advice and since revealing an abuser can be traumatic and backlash you will need guidance and support <3
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I dont know if "outing" your abuser is the best solution for you. I never told a soul about my abuse because it would have caused hurt to so many people beside me and my abuser. I do understand why you dont want to "out" him. When it comes to family it is very different about reporting what happen. It effects everybody in the family. I do understand what eicanfly is saying. You should do whatever you can to keep your half sister safe. Its completely up to you if you want to go through the drama or pain that it will cause in the family. I know he needs to be accountable for his actions, im only saying if you do "out" him, then be ready for the hurt and the pain from the whole family that comes with that. I chose not to tell to save my love ones pain. But, I also confronted the family member that did it and told him if he ever thinks of doing anyone else like that then i would tell everybody what he did to me.. Im not saying you should do what i did. I just want you to think about about it real hard and make a decision that you are willing to live with..
#Just Being Honest

I felt better cause i let him know that i did remember what happen. I was not mad at him for doing it. My experience was different than most. I enjoyed doing it cause i didnt look at it as wrong, and he did threaten or hurt me. I know i was a kid, but i didnt feel violated. Im not saying he was not wrong, but i didnt get that feeling of abuse. What happen to you doesnt make you disgusting at all!! I was manipulated also, but didnt feel bad, or feel bad about it now. Alot of people tell me i should feel bad about that happening but i dont. I used that experience to make me a stronger person and to help others that have been in a situation like mine. You dont have to feel bad about what happen just because others say you should. If you feel like he hurt, or violated you, then you should let him know how you feel. Maybe you want to tell him how you feel but let him know that you still love him and you dont want to tell because how it will effect the family, but you are not cool with what he did.. And it is not bad you dont want your daddy to go to jail. I didnt tell because i didnt want my family to go to jail either, plus I still have a loving relationship with him. Im not in that situation no more, so to me bringing up the past will just mess up my family now. You can get passed that if you really want. What help me was to relive the experience in my head and see how it effects me today. Im always here if you need someone to confide in. I will NEVER judge you in any situation, regardless how you feel about it..
#Just Being Honest.. Thanks for Sharing!!

It's not unusal that you don't want your father to go to jail you love him. But what he did to you is so sick on so many levels, it is not your fault in any way- think about this if he really truely loved you the way a parent loves their child they would do anything to protect you not hurt you. I would strongly recommend telling your mother. Doesn't your step mom desver to know the type of man she is married to? I know it's hard to think about other people's feelings like that. My step mom's daughter was sexually abused by her first husband- turns out after they went to court he had done it to 50 other girls. People like that are creeps and should be stopped

This comment by BEING HONEST seems like a good option!
"But, I also confronted the family member that did it and told him if he ever thinks of doing anyone else like that then i would tell everybody what he did to me."

If you can find a good therapist that is free or costs very little(by looking into Domestic Violence programs in your area...sexual abuse is something that falls into this category whether it was violent or not) then maybe they can guide you thru this difficult terrain and help you decide what is BEST FOR YOU.
There's a lot of scary potential consequences but I'm sorry to say, it's hard to think of your half-sister going thru this too when somebody knows his nature.
I am not judging you either way. It's a very complicated situation.

I feel that regardless how this turns out, as long as you make up your mind and heart about what YOU feel the right thing to do is, you will live with the outcome. Anyone that holds that against you does not love you anyway. Just make up in your heart and mind what is most comfortable for YOU then all else will fall in place. And if worst comes to worst and your dad and stepmom hold a grudge with you, then atleast your stepsister will be in a safer place..

i gre up with a girlfriend whom lived three miles from me . we spent alot of time together and yet not one of us spoke of the abuse tell we were well in our 40's so i did not know of her father or she of mine. we both took different paths too. she choose to hide and bury her abuse. her husband and i are the only two how now. her adult chidlren have no clue why she really hates her father.

i told my chidlren when they where young that their grandfather was not a good man and did bad things and i rarely ever went home (my sister remained his wife, for 51 yrs)the law protected my father from abusing my sister after the age of 18 but she was had been too severely abused to leave him all those years. i was afraid no ne would believe me and i kept my silence for over 40 years.

when i came forward i learnt the community suspected or knew. i learnt my own mother knew. i learnt my siblings even knew.deep down there are signs and questions peole fear to ask. i put the fact out. yes i was sexually abused since age 3, my father being the first of many. my older siblings are messed. my eldest sister is a hoarder and submissive to her man (he has nothing to do with us)my brother cannot maintain a relationship healthy, my other sister was locked up for 23 years (she now lives with me) secrets create pain.

my friend has 5 siblings stuggling witht he burden of keeping the lies well the father and mother live a life of considerable respect in th ecommunity. which means he is able to abuse his grandchildren when they are forced to sit upon his lap and how far it goes only the family truely know .

i asked my girlfriend why does she keep the secret and she told me she does not want to be looked at like a freak. i looked at her and asked "is that how you look upon me as a freak?" her fear of some ne labling her as a the woman whom was sexually abused by her father terrifies her. i prefer to be the woman whom faced my family and said "i was raped repeatedly and no one protected me, even when they knew and that was wrong!" i like to state " incest is still going on in our home towns, in our familuies and turning a blind eye does not make it go away. yes it stirs of emotions of all kinds when it comes out into the open . some relationships will and do end but if they end over the truth are they worth maintaining then. they say the truth hurts and it is right but truth also sets us free.

i phoned the mother of the son whom is spending time with his step grand dad my x. i asked her to be vigilant of her 4 yr old. the RCMP phoned me and stated i could not accuse my x of sexual abuse and i stated i did not . i stated i said vigilant. i was informed to state why i did that and when i was done the RCMP said he understood why and took his negative attitude he first phoned me under and put it on the self and showed compassion.

sometimes the hardest things in life are what we need to do. if we have any means to prevent an abuser from abusing another we must . we must be careful in our wording or questions and our statements. i can sleep better just knowing i asked th emom to be vigilant for if that child comes to her the seed to listen has been sowed for that child. i know his words and his way of manipulation for i was married 19 yrs to him. i was not vigilant and my chidlren are in pain.

i have never regretted doing the right thing for the right reasons. i have regreted when i kept the secrets and silenced my tong.

i do not seek revenge i seek protection of those whom come behind me and are too young to voice for them selves. you were sexually abused and this man has a nother girl in his care. you kept the secret he has ever reason to believe she will too.

they say one sexual preditory can have 70 victims befor they are caught. was there those before you that kept the secret too. you feel he may have been abused . he may have those prior then. it is okay to confront him . it is okay to ask the other girl if she is safe and feels safe. it is okay to let the secret out how you want too.

you reached out here i believe because you seek permission to go forth with what you conscious is telling you too. follow that voice which guides you to a better place. let fear sit on the side lines and never guide you for it has poor navigational devices within.

you cannot ever please every one all the time and it is a wasted effort to try.

the best to you hon and may you find peace with your path you choose which ever it may be. all i have to offer is my experiences in age
hugs dare

Hi, talk to your sister. Privately via phone voice to voice or in person. But do it soon, ask her if she feels safe and let her know about your concerns and that u will b and r there for her. Tell your mom that u were hurt and ask her if she is willing to listen and help u ! If she says no. Then go to the next person. U can file a report so that will already be on the record. Ask your step mom if she is willing to help your sister in any way she can If she knew she needed help. If she says it depends- then go to the proper authorities in your area and call them in Utah.

I agree with dare in that to protect another from being abused or being stopped in its tracts is good reason to speak up. Usually colleges have free coucilors. I was abused too by my father and when I came out, I was shocked their had been so many others in my family. Outsiders too.
Maybe I could have prevented one, at least. I was never sorry after speaking up, but so scared at first to do it.
It is no shame to you at all. The blame is totally his. Please speak to your sister, she will at least know she has a confidant, if she needs to talk.
You are brave. You have already taken the first step.

while i understand that you'd want to protect those who are important to you from finding out what your father did, i personally don't think it is right to not out him because of that. to me it would be like condoning his behavior out of pity. things like this won't stop happening in the world unless you shine a light on the ugly darkness that is reality, people have to know that things like this happen so that they can do their part to prevent it from happening in the future.

it's your decision in the end, and i know i would it would hurt to ruin my own father even though he himself is a worthless sack of shit, but in a case like yours i would put justice above guilt and pity.

Sorry I have to agree with Brazil and Ethos. Telling these people that your father abused you isn't "outing" him. This is not the same thing as exposing someone's sexual preference. He is in a position of power (father) over another young girl and you do have a responsibility to let his new wife AND his other daughter know what he did. When we do not expose these people's actions we condone and perpetuate the behavior. At the very least you need to contact their local CPS and explain your concerned and why.

Regardless of you figuring out at one point that you understood what you are doing, you are a victim. He preyed on the fact that you were young and used you for sexual satisfaction. You have to stop taking responsibility for other people being devastated and think that you are ruining their lives. HE is the one responsible for the devastation, HE ruined his own life the second he even thought about doing this to you. Do you see the irony of how he ruined your life, yet you are concerned about ruining his life? If you can't afford or are unwilling to seek therapy please at least get some books on this subject, they will be of great use to guide you through dealing with this.

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through. No one should ever have to go through this. That being said, you ARE the victim. Your parents are supposed to protect you and shield you from the evils in the world- not be them. I know how you feel though, about knowing what you're doing and knowing its wrong. I struggle with it myself. What I know rationally, is that its not our fault. The actions and dynamics of our relationship were laid out for us, eventually you play into the role created for you- its a coping mechanism.

As far as telling your mom, I think you should since you dad remarried. It might be hard for her to forgive herself, but you can help her and she can help you.

Im here if you need. Good luck, and remember it takes courage to create change.

I like the idea of calling your sister.

Invest a couple of dollars (it was free on kindle a week ago) and buy Marilyn Van Derbur's Miss America By Day. It's worth its weight in gold! She was sexually abused/incested by her father for years and her personal recovery plus her incredible understanding of and support for others has been life-changing for me. I'm just sorry I didn't find that help and encouragement and understanding earlier in my life - I'm staring at 70, having chosen to be essentially alone my entire adult life. It's too late for me, at least in some respects, but if I can offer the one helpful tool it will not be too late for you. Or others - abusers rarely stop with one victim, using that term in a general sense, independent of whether the young person feels victimized or not. I do understand the mixed feelings - at least for once he had time for me, regardless of how that time was spent.

I was abused by my father and he went to a mental institution for 3 years. That is what they did to you in the 60's, not send you to jail.
My father was a pedophile. I understand that now. And he never stopped trying to have sex with me until I married my current husband and moved away and the ripe old age of 15.
Once, when I was 14, he had continually hounded me until I finally said for him to do what he wanted, and he did. That was the only time he had full intercouse with me. The shame I now carry has affected me deeply.
There is no room here to write of all of the consequences that this man's sickness caused. But it was and still is far reaching. I have been seeing a therapist for almost 3 years and still have a long way to go. If you met me, you would never know.
Our extended family does not know of the deep rooted problem that existed. They thought it was due to medication, and that is what my Mom chose to believe, she called me a liar when I told her that he never stopped trying to approach me, that he came into my room at night and exposed himself, that I hated it when she worked the night shift and he was home.
I carry around the truth of his sickness with me and will never discuss it with any member of my extended family. He is dead and buried as well is my Mom and why tarnish the memory they want to believe is true.
Because of his actions, my siblings and I are dysfunctional each to a degree. I am probably better off than they, because I moved out at a young age. He was also a womanizer and had a multitude of affairs, which was common knowledge growing up. My Mom turned into a mean spirited woman who was narcisstic and selfish after he died. She would have benefitted from counseling but her generation did no believe in it as much as mine does.
Until the day my Dad died, I never felt comfortable around him alone never let my daughters go stay at their house when he was home, because I did not trust him, nor did I trust that my Mom would not leave them there with him alone. I do not think on a conscious level she could believe that he was like he was, after all what did that say about her staying married to him.
You must do what you feel is right for you. You have to live with both the knowledge of what took place and also of the aftershock of when you make what happene known to others.
All I can tell you is good luck, God bless and try your best to get into counseling.